Remember That Mommy Guilt Thing?

Remember that post I did oh so long ago talking about Mommy Guilt? Man, I don't think I truly knew what I meant back then.

Mommy guilt tripled is exhausting...and never ending.  Today alone, I heard Madison asking if anyone wanted to play with her.  Of course I did, but was it possible right then?  No.  She asked again.  Same answer.  She played by herself for a while, then played with her brother while Daddy and I tried in vain to prepare for our huge road trip that has been in the works for almost 2 years and has somehow snuck up on us.

Two hours later, I hear that goregous little girl of mine ask once again in a sad voice..."Doesn't anyone want to play with me?".  There goes what's left of my heart.  So, setting aside a (finally) smaller mountain of laundry and strapping Ewan into his highchair for a meal of zuccini seasoned with cinnamon, we had at it.  Disney princess figures were transformed into the many different characters of my incredibly creative daughter's newest obesession, Harry Potter.  Accents and all.

I always say that the laundry will still be there when the kids are sleeping, when the kids are at school, when they are cramping their little fingers playing Scooby Doo Wii.  Fur on the floor isn't going to kill anyone and the toilet will still flush if it hasn't been scrubbed since the last time we had company.

Yes, I say all of that, but living it is a very different beast.  I hate constantly having to ask my kids to hang on a second, or tell them I can't sit on the floor and re-enact every scene from Scooby Doo, Harry Potter or Cat in the Hat right now.  I have to clean the kitchen (which truly is my nemesis most days), sweep the floor, or chase down their now mobile little brother before he decides to give himself a pet water facial. 

I love every second that I get to spend with my 3 amazing children.  Even the ones where I want to squish their little heads together.  But (and there's always a but isn't there?), each one of them can make me feel like the worst Mom at times.  Madison has so many wonderful ideas, so many scenes running through that amazing little head that she needs to get out.  And I just don't always have the time or the energy to really let her share them.  Not where she is my only focus like she deserves to be.

Brayden, he is just a little cuddle bug when he's in the mood.  All he really wants is a quick game of Sponge Bob Memory Match (which he is a master of by the way), some chocolate milk and some face time - the actual face to face version, not the Apple kind. 

And Ewan, he just wants Mommy...all day, every day.  I can't even go pee without someone crying...sometimes that someone is me.

Nobody gets my full attention, Andrew included.  The house is never truly clean.  The cat, well he's just a bugger who secretly cuddles with me once everyone else has gone to bed, and the dog (you know, the one with the bullet in her back) looks longingly at all of the other dogs trotting by the house with their leashes in their humans' hands.

If I could split myself in 2 to get things done, I would.  Then again, one half of me would always miss out on something that way, so not really an improvement on the current situation.

And now of course, I'm ignoring even myself.  It's almost 2:30 in the morning and I have yet to go to bed, knowing full well that my 9 month old will be up with the roosters, full of broken toothed smiles and drool skin treatments that really should be bottled and sold.



 

So, what have you been up to?

Ok, so it's been a long while.  A really long while.  It's almost like when you reconnect with an old highschool friend and say "So, what have you been up to for the last 15 years?".  Obviously much has happened, but really, how do you explain it all?

There have been many times when I have wanted to write and share what it's like to be a mother of 3.  But really, my beloved MacBook went tets up (good Lord is that a whole other post and a half) and I can't make it through the next chapter of Harry Potter with Madison each night, let alone have energy left to post any of the few fleeting thoughts I have running through my brain.

Suffice it to say, there has been a lot going on.  Ewan is now 9 months old, Madison has completed kindergarten and looking forward to being a grade "one-r" in the Fall and Brayden has one game left in his inaugural season of soccer.  My dad suffered and survived a heart attack, I fractured my orbital bone and discovered that at some point in her 10 years, my beloved pooch was SHOT and the bullet remains lodged near, but not effecting, her spine.

This past year has been trying, amazing, exhausting, inspiring and many other "ings" I'm just too tired to think of at the moment.

Now that I have a stand-in computer (so not my Macky, but functioning so I will be content...for now), I will be posting more regularly.  Hold back your shouts of glee, I need a nap.